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Christmas Funnies for Teachers

Page history last edited by Lori Cingolani 6 years, 2 months ago

Christmas Funnies for Teachers!!  Everyone needs a laugh this time of year 

 

 

The 12 Days of Christmas(My Principal Gave to Me)…

 

On the first day of Christmas

My principal gave to me

A classroom and my own key

On the second day of Christmas

My principal gave to me

2 lesson planners

And a classroom with my own key

On the third day of Christmas

My principal gave to me

3 board erasers

2 lesson planners

And a classroom with my own key

On the fourth day of Christmas

My principal gave to me

4 desks to choose from

3 board erasers

2 lesson planners

And a classroom with my own key

On the fifth day of Christmas

My principal gave to me

5 desktop PC’s

4 desks to choose from

3 board erasers

2 lesson planners

And a classroom with my own key

On the sixth day of Christmas

My principal gave to me

6 versions of Bloom’s

5 desktop PC’s

4 desks to choose from

3 board erasers

2 lesson planners

And a classroom with my own key

On the seventh day of Christmas

My principal gave to me

7 days of PD

6 versions of Bloom’s

5 desktop PC’s

4 desks to choose from

3 board erasers

2 lesson planners

And a classroom with my own key

On the eighth day of Christmas

My principal gave to me

8 dry erase markers

7 days of PD

6 versions of Bloom’s

5 desktop PC’s

4 desks to choose from

3 board erasers

2 lesson planners

And a classroom with my own key

On the ninth day of Christmas

My principal gave to me

9 Teacher’s Editions

8 dry erase markers

7 days of PD

6 versions of Bloom’s

5 desktop PC’s

4 desks to choose from

3 board erasers

2 lesson planners

And a classroom with my own key

On the tenth day of Christmas

My principal gave to me

10 classroom strategies

9 Teacher’s Editions

8 dry erase markers

7 days of PD

6 versions of Bloom’s

5 desktop PC’s

4 desks to choose from

3 board erasers

2 lesson planners

And a classroom with my own key

On the eleventh day of Christmas

My principal gave to me

11 pats on the back

10 classroom strategies

9 Teacher’s Editions

8 dry erase markers

7 days of PD

6 versions of Bloom’s

5 desktop PC’s

4 desks to choose from

3 board erasers

2 lesson planners

And a classroom with my own key

On the twelfth day of Christmas

My principal gave to me

12(x2) rowdy students

11 pats on the back

10 classroom strategies

9 Teacher’s Editions

8 dry erase markers

7 days of PD

6 versions of Bloom’s

5 desktop PC’s

4 desks to choose from

3 board erasers

2 lesson planners

And a classroom with my own key

 

"12 days of Christmas(A students worst nightmare) 
About how teachers give a ton of assignments over Christmas 
break because you have a lot of time off from school...

On the first day of Christmas my teacher said to me
"do a Project on your family tree"

On the second day of Christmas my teacher said to me
"read about bugs and do a project on your family tree"

On the third day of Christmas my teacher said to me
"buy more pens, read about bugs, and do a project on your 
family tree"

On the forth day of Christmas my teacher said to me
"write about birds, buy more pens, read about bugs, and do a 
project on your family tree"

On the fifth day of Christmas my teacher said to me
"Do all these things, write about birds, buy more pens, read 
about bugs, and do a project on your family tree"

On the sixth day of Christmas my teacher said to me
"Please stop delay-in!, do all these things, write about 
birds, buy more pens, read about bugs, and do a project on 
your family tree"

On the seventh day of Christmas my teacher said to me
"Read Charles Dickens, please stop delay-in!, do all these 
things, write about birds, buy more pens, read about bugs, 
and do a project on your family tree"

On the eighth day of Christmas my teacher said to me
"learn Arabian, read Charles Dickens, please stop delay-in!, 
do all these things, write about birds, buy more pens, read 
about bugs, and do a project on your family tree"

On the ninth day of Christmas my teacher said to me
"calculate all the fractions, learn Arabian, read Charles 
Dickens, please stop delay-in!, Do all these things, write 
about birds, buy more pens, read about bugs, and do a 
project on your family tree"

On the tenth day of Christmas my teacher said to me
"You cant be sleep-in!, calculate all the fractions, learn 
Arabian, read Charles Dickens, please stop delay-in!, do all 
these things, write about birds, buy more pens, read about 
bugs, and do a project on your family tree"

On the eleventh day of Christmas my teacher said to me
"examples to be cited, you cant be sleep-in!, calculate all 
the fractions, learn Arabian, read Charles Dickens, please 
stop delay-in!, do all these things, write about birds, buy 
more pens, read about bugs, and do a project on your family 
tree"

On the twelfth day of Christmas my teacher said to me
"There's lots more work a-coming!, examples to be cited, you 
cant be sleep-in!, calculate all the fractions, learn 
Arabian, read Charles Dickens, please stop delay-in!, do all 
these things, write about birds, buy more pens, read about 
bugs, and do a project on your family tree!!"

 

Twelve Days After Christmas

(Sorry, this was just funny!)

 

The first day after Christmas,
My true love and I had a fight,
And so I chopped the pear tree down
and burned it just for spite.
Then with a single cartridge,
I shot that blasted partridge,
My true love gave to me.

The second day after Christmas,
I pulled on the old rubber gloves,
and very gently wrung the necks
of both the turtledoves,
My true love gave to me.

The third day after Christmas,
My mother caught the croup;
I had to use the three French hens
to make some chicken soup.
The four calling birds were a big mistake
for their language was obscene.
The five golden rings were completely fake
and they turned my fingers green.

The sixth day after Christmas,
the six laying hens wouldn't lay,
so I gave the whole darn gaggle
to the A.S.P.C.A.

On the seventh day, what a mess I found,
All seven to the swimming swans
had drowned.
My true love gave to me.

The eighth day after Christmas
before they could suspect,
I bundled up the eight maids a-milking,
nine pipers piping, eleven lords a-leaping,
and twelve drummers drumming
(Well actually I kept one of the drummers)
and sent them back collect.

I wrote my true love,
"We are through, Love."
And I said in so many words,
"Furthermore, your Christmas gifts
were for the birds."

 

Student:
On the twelve days of Christmas
my teacher gave to me:

Twelve new problems
Eleven definitions
Ten spelling tests
Nine points off citizenship
Eight words of warning
Seven pages of reading
Six weeks of failing
Five golden 'D's
Four pink slips
Three hot lunches
Two bathroom passes
And a 'C' in American History

Teacher:
On the twelve days of Christmas
my students gave to me:

Twelve gray hairs
Eleven sassy words
Ten wrong answers
Nine happy moments
Eight poor excuses
Seven silly sentences
Six stunning headaches
Five royal pains
Four erasers flying
Three borrowed pencils
Two sloppy papers
And a smile in American History

 

The Twelve Days of Christmas - New Policy

(Submitted by: Meridee Mannino-Phistry)

Effective immediately, the following economizing measures are being implemented in the "Twelve Days of Christmas" subsidiary:

  1. The partridge will be retained, but the pear tree, which never produced the cash crop forecasted, will be replaced by a plastic hanging plant, providing considerable savings in maintenance;
  2. Two turtle doves represent a redundancy that is simply not cost effective. In addition, their romance during working hours could not be condoned. The positions are, therefore, eliminated;
  3. The three French hens will remain intact. After all, everyone loves the French;
  4. The four calling birds will be replaced by an automated voice mail system, with a call waiting option. An analysis is underway to determine who the birds have been calling, how often and how long they talked;
  5. The five golden rings have been put on hold by the Board of Directors. Maintaining a portfolio based on one commodity could have negative implications for institutional investors. Diversification into other precious metals, as well as a mix of T-Bills and high technology stocks, appear to be in order;
  6. The six geese-a-laying constitutes a luxury which can no longer be afforded. It has long been felt that the production rate of one egg per goose per day was an example of the general decline in productivity. Three geese will be let go, and an upgrading in the selection procedure by personnel will assure management that, from now on, every goose it gets will be a good one;
  7. The seven swans-a-swimming is obviously a number chosen in better times. The function is primarily decorative. Mechanical swans are on order. The current swans will be retrained to learn some new strokes, thereby enhancing their outplacement;
  8. As you know, the eight maids-a-milking concept has been under heavy scrutiny by the EEOC. A male/female balance in the workforce is being sought. The more militant maids consider this a dead-end job with no upward mobility. Automation of the process may permit the maids to try a-mending, a-mentoring or a-mulching;
  9. Nine ladies dancing has always been an odd number. This function will be phased out as these individuals grow older and can no longer do the steps;
  10. Ten Lords-a-leaping is overkill. The high cost of Lords, plus the expense of international air travel, prompted the Compensation Committee to suggest replacing this group with ten out-of-work congressmen. While leaping ability may be somewhat sacrificed, the savings are significant as we expect an oversupply of unemployed congressmen this year;
  11. Eleven pipers piping and twelve drummers drumming is a simple case of the band getting too big. A substitution with a string quartet, a cutback on new music, and no uniforms, will produce savings, which will drop right to the bottom line;

Overall we can expect a substantial reduction in assorted people, fowl, animals and related expenses. Though incomplete, studies indicate that stretching deliveries over twelve days is inefficient. If we can drop ship in one day, service levels will be improved.
Regarding the lawsuit filed by the attorney's association seeking expansion to include the legal profession ("thirteen lawyers-a-suing"), a decision is pending.
Deeper cuts may be necessary in the future to remain competitive. Should that happen, the Board will request management to scrutinize the Snow White Division to see if seven dwarfs is the right number.

 

 

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